Tuesday, February 28, 2006


Today is it. I started writing a poem but then I decided to be obviously open or rather openly obvious about it instead. I guessed a few more lines of open admission will not really harm anybody. My month ends today. If you are still guessing why all this hullabaloo about February, you have already missed it and so it does not matter.

My efforts in blending in with the world around me have been quite successful. So successful in fact that most people have ceased to pay any notice to me. It feels strangely banal to stand amidst the crowd, to be at the end of the queue and to be passed over most of the time.

I just walked down a road while leisurely wandering around the neighbourhood. I have wandered thus, a few times before. I remember a congruent evening a few months earlier. I was talking on the phone that evening. Many things were the same, the evening, the roads, the empty cup of hot chocolate fudge I had just finished, the phone in my pocket and yet it was so different today. The beginnings and endings have blurred each other out at some rusty horizon, and I am worried that by the time I reach that horizon I will fall off my flat earth.

Two of the most beautiful people on this planet hugged me today. I feel I am blessed. A hug. An admission of honest love. Voices without a hint of make believe. A carpet of dreams lining the road on which I walk. These exist. I have seen them with my open eyes.

So many memories crowd my head, each jostling with the other to burst out. An email from the first girl I ever asked out for dinner. A phone call from a sister who held on to my tiny hands when I forgot how to walk. A song which loops endlessly on my CD-player refusing to surrender the promise it holds in its words. A lifetime of longing framed in a photo which hangs above my bed.

I have been walking up the cliff for some time now. I reach the edge today. I stand at the shore of the vast unknown, with only an infinite unblemished sky stretching in front of me. It is time to stop reaching out frantically, and to stop holding on to any remnants of life. It is the time to jump...


  1. wow! wat a beautiful piece of poetic prose...

  2. if u see me on ure way down, u'll wave won't u?!

  3. Hi First Rain,
    Hugs from those we cherish are infinitely better than chocolate. That circle of touch-ahhhhh!

    Vivid and refreshingly charming poetic prose!
    Invisible and admirable hugs for your Feb. journey. March on!

  4. i expected ya to be younger than 27. its an interesting blog u hv here. good work.

  5. The poem you left on English August is what brought me here. I am glad I stumbled into your poetry, I will take a place to listen.

  6. I like the writing a lot. I'd like it more if it didn't sound like this guy commited suicide 6 days ago.

  7. @swathi: Hey! Good to see you around... how's Belgium? :)

    @sonia: heeeyyylooo! *waving*

    @mirage: The whole idea is one of free fall. The parachute will beat the purpose!

    @psb2006: Welcome to the blog! Keep visiting.

    @silvermoon: *Hugs* Your comments are a treat to read. Keep visitng.

    @anon: Ah.. but age catches up with everybody. Thanks, but would have been good to know a name though.

    @TICA: Hi and welcome! Glad to have you here.

    @algreen: Lollz@suicide! No it is not that... I am afraid my want for living is too strong to even allow me to think about suicide as an option. Welcome to the blog, and hope to see you around again.