Thursday, May 04, 2006

Boredom, fat and split personalities

Life is staggering between boring and intensely-boring right now. This is leading to all kinds of self-indulgence on my part, and motivation levels are at an all time low. Actually there is nothing worth writing about happening as far as I can see it. But since this only heightens my sense of absolute laziness, I thought I might as well try and concoct some kind of a mind-numbingly dull rant.

Since what can be duller than telling the world about myself, here goes a completely me-me-me post .

Someone complained (or paid a compliment perhaps, I can't make out which!) that I seem to appear different when engaged in conversation on this blog, on the messenger, on phone and in person. That is a very non-technically accurate description of my inherently split(s)-personality. Obviously, there are more of us inside but usually people return the package within the 30-days-money-back-guarantee trial period, and so never see the other versions. What is interesting though are the reasons I get for the return:

"You talk a lot." (that's me)
"You don't talk at all." (that's me too)
"You talk about stuff I don't understand." (all the way me)
"You are being sarcastic and rude and cold, and I deserve better!" (so true)
"You are soooo [add suitable adjective]!" (I know!)
"I can't keep up with you in bed!" (Aha! What? What!!!)
"You are... not exactly... in shape." (Yep! I am made of hot gas!)
"You let me pay the bill!" (Of course! You offered, I said yes.)
"You are not romantic at all." (Possible... within limits of experimental error.)
"You are too mushy." (Possible... within limits of erroneous experimentation.)

You get the picture. To top all this there is mom's observation that since I am definitely fatter now than I was a month before (and she has been saying this for the better part of my life, so... ) and that I do not really have a regular supply of very many bits of green paper with big numbers on them, I am not very highly placed on the "desirable-singles-list." I tried explaining to her the good points about it but somehow purush-mukti(aka men's lib) is hard to sell !

Friends, on the other hand are neatly divided into two categories - the ones who are married, hitched or are in luurve, and the ones who are single, got dumped or broke-up. So it's like on one hand it's Ice Age 2 and on the other it's Basic Instinct 2 and I have been handed a fresh copy of Darna Zaroori Hai.

Among other things I managed to recover my skipping rope from it's dusty, cobwebbed, seclusion and I am hoping that it's exercise-chi will cause a few cells of excess adipose tissue on my midriff to decompose. I have also managed to corner V into teaching me how to ride her bike. That V is a mother of two, and her daily schedule reads out like a super-woman, makes it all the more interesting. I'll keep that tale for another day.

For now I've got to go find the really, real me for the next person in the queue.


  1. ok but please dont break the floor skipping ok?

    YOURE GOOD IN BED?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!??????????

    * flings her chocolate coins out the window *...

  2. Errr... WHAT is it exactly that you are doubting, contradicting or expressing surprise over? :P

    *Don't .... arre don't waste good chocolate coins. What a waste!*

  3. And what kind of reply was that ! :D

  4. Dont watch Darna Zaroori hai! You'll wind up strangling all of ur multiple personalities!!

  5. no one will like u cos you're fat and don't have enuff money, but you're too much in bed??? how does that happen

  6. @mirage: Don't worry! I wasn't going too... I don't like the horror genre as it is.

    @sonia: Huh? What is the problem with being fat, and broke and being fantastic in bed? I don't see the correlation at all! :P Oh and I did not quite say no one likes me (not in this post, though that's a very good crib!)... I have my share of plus points on good days! :D

  7. welll, if you're not on the desirables list cos you're not making regular greenbacks, annd you're fat, who do u get to sleep with u to find out whether you're fantastic in bed or not?

    and it's not true that no one likes you. i think you're swell! :o)

  8. @sonia: Oh now you must give more credit to your sex - not every girl is after that tall, dark and handsome millionaire (I hope not!).
    And in case you haven't noticed my strong narcissistic streak yet - who said anything about sleeping with anybody! :P

    'N *Big Hugs* for the swell part :o) You're swell too!

    @cherie: :D

  9. lemme tell you that waistlines dont shrink easily - ask me - have been battling 2 inches of fat for a lifetime :(

  10. @ichatteralot: I know. That's why I don't battle 'em :o) Welcome to the blog!

  11. Making love to your bed i it the same as me making love to my laptop then?

    * runs away very fast**giggle*

  12. @grafx: Whaaaaat! Hmmppph... how does your lapstops compare with my dear bed! Atrocious!