Thursday, July 14, 2005


My world has changed. Rather it has turned upside down. If you can picture it like an egg, I've dropped it! So in other words it is a mess but I am a changed man because of it - you decide for better or worse by the time you finish reading this.

I got tired of commuting some 20 odd kilometers every day to work. So I moved out of home to a hostel. This happened last Tuesday. After twenty six years of home, the first day of the outside world can seem pretty harsh. I was out, alone and abducted by mosquitoes in the middle of the night from my room. Unable to find the sleep fairy, I decided to go to my office (which is open 24x7) only to find the rains romancing the moonlit sky. I had left my solitary umbrella in the office. I finally won over the sister anopheles at 5 am. Two hours of sleep in the night make for a very bad next day. I have been discovering new ways to sneak in naps at work.

Next, morning I got a lift from V. She rides to office on a bike. She has offered me a lift many a times before, but I've let my male vanity get the better of me on all those earlier occasions. That morning she didn't have to ask twice. Every person I saw on the road was staring! The air which washed over my face felt just as intoxicating, when I rode behind a man. On way she told me her kid was getting operated for hole in his heart. He is having the operation right now, as I write this. I've been praying.

I've started work on something which has been pending for a long time. So the moving out seems to be serving its purpose. I have strict orders to call home once every day to report my doings. The first day I called, mom sounded different on the phone. I have taken so much for granted for so long. My family has been one of those things. I dread the thought of being left alone in this world, and for not being there when they'll need me in turn. Letting go for them must be so much more harder. I can hear the longing in my mom's voice. After just one day! You might think I am being melodramatic. But I think I am learning how to listen.

The only other bachelor in my office room (7 of us share a biggish room) got engaged. I could not believe it at first when A told me. I am the only single "entity" now in a room full of six married people. Not my idea of an conducive work environment. I had to play proxy for a school friend while he was making out with his girl. His dad called to check that he was at a movie with me (which is what he had told at home). I managed to mutter some sort of convincing reply. I hated doing it. I also felt like I was the last man left on earth. Where are you? I've been searching.

I have to walk some distance before I can get dinner. The place has tables set out on an open terrace. I was enjoying my tandoori roti, dal and some veggies when it started to drizzle. As I began hurriedly gulping down the tasty morsels, with a piece of roti in one hand and spoonful of dal in the other, I witnessed an ant with wings do a triple summersault and dive into my bowl of dal. My complete inability to prevent this act seemed so funny. It was like life was rushing toward me and daring me to meet it head on. I am learning how to share.

A single phone call from somebody very far was the highlight of that very dull evening. Finding a house for S and his family was the highlight of the next. Breakfast has settled into a routine of a chocolate chip muffin and a glass of chilled cold coffee. I did not think I'll write a post before Saturday, but I've started listening to someone's suggestions rather seriously. I am afraid though all habit forming things hurt, when they become addictions. I've been trying to be brave.

I am looking forward to the weekend. This has not happened in eons! I was hardly noticing the difference between a week-start and a weekend. Life is breaking its monotony. Soon it will be time to fly. I know where, I do not know how. Besides, I think it is time to find a co-pilot. Have I seen too many masala Hindi movies, or does the boy really get the girl? I've been reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.


  1. all the best to your new way of living. it'll be a good eye opener.

    as for the co-pilot, just enjoy the ride for now, it'll happen when it has to! :o)

  2. Some part of that were totally trippy... It feels nice to break out of structure once in a while na ?

  3. a co-pilot might just add some confusion and spoil the fun :)

  4. nice post..
    only for me itz the other way around - after being away from parents the last 12 years started living with my parents again ... n boy!it seems such a pain - i mean itz nice to have them around but not nice to fight with mom 'bout the interiors/cooking ect etc which we failed to understand as kids.

  5. AWWWW i wouLD SO be your guardian if i was there!!! lol what with my fetish for cooking these days.. youd really balloon out by the end of the month!!

    *decides what to cook next*

  6. u know where to go - that makes me envious. hmm yes, wish love was as easy as in a Hindi film.

  7. ur leaving...on a jetplane...?! ;)

  8. dnt knw whether its gng to b like hindi movies... but can wish u all d very best fr finding ur co-pilot before u take-off.
    right nw u r independent..enjoy dis flight too.

  9. @sonia: Thanks! Ya, I guess it will happen when it has to... I can only wait.

    @vigs: It does. It also makes me look at the structure differently.

    @pixel8: Hee hee! U think so? Does more confusion ever spoil the fun :P

    @swathi: Ya I guess that can get on one's nerves. lol!

    @grafx: Ur mah favourite virtual chef :)

    @cactus: Oh my - don't be ... knowing it is part cause of this whole mess!

    @mirage: Yeah right! About to blast away to the heavens :)

    @milo: Aww .. thank you!