Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Deconstruction et al.

This post was supposed to be Part II and reconstruction 101 all rolled into one. It was supposed to be about my (mis)adventures in shifting a home from one part of Delhi to another. It was supposed to be about a broken water connection, a conked out computer, a nail biting ride with the fridge on a truck at 6am, exhausted victory of having conquered such a mammoth task with a few breaths left to spare and finally a new bed. But I never knew that in the few days that I was going to be away from this blog, so much would happen.

Pyar mujh se jo kiya tumne to kya paogi,
Mere halaath ki aandhi mai bikhar jaogi,

Ranj aur dard ki basti ka mai bashinda hoon,
Yeh to bas main hoon ke is haal main bhi zinda hoon,
Khwab kyun dekhoon wo, kal jinpe mai sharminda hoon,
Mai jo sharminda hua tum bhi to sharmaogi...

My last post was a reflection of one of my low moods. I suck at goodbyes. Many people do, but not many people fall in love with their beds. It was not just that. It was a whole lot of inanimate, intangible things I left behind. Still more, as I wrote, it was about not being able to speak about things. Things I want to speak about but cannot. Agonizing? You bet it is. On the whole I was feeling quite miserable.

Yeh bata de mujhe zindagi, pyar ki raah ke humsafar
Kis tarah ban gaye ajnabee.
Yeh bata de mujhe zindagi, phool kyun saare murjha gaye,
Kis liye bujh gayee chandni.

Yeh bata de mujhe zindagi.

Kal jo bahon me thi, aur nigahon main thi,
Ab woh garmi kahan kho gayi?
Na woh andaaz hai, na woh aawaz hai,
Ab woh narmi kahan kho gayi?

It is almost a year since I started writing here, and it has been a wonderful experience. I had never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would be read by anyone, let alone be liked. I have had wonderful readers, and made some really cool friends. And I have written my heart out. I have. I have also read and commented on others' writings, and it has been a joy writing to every one of you. And it has become second nature to me now. If you've heard Henry Higgins sing "I've grown accustomed to her face", you know what I mean. So when I find that three blogs I used to read have recently stopped, it puts the monkey wrench in my machinery. For a guy who cannot let go of his old bed, letting go of such enticing daily reads is quite heart wrenching.

Jab saamne tum aa jaate ho, kya jaaniye kya ho jaata hai,
Kuch mil jaata hai, kuch kho jaata hai, kya jaaniye kya ho jaata hai,

Chaha tha yeh kahenge, socha tha woh kahenge,
Aaaye woh saamne to, kuch bhi na keh sake, Bas
dekha kiye unhe hum...

This post is for you.

Ae mere kagaz ke lafzon ki humraaz,
Baarish se bheege panno par,
Har khwab, har dard ki awaaz,
Ke intezaar mein, hamesha.

Pyar mujh se, Yeh bata and Jab Samne are all beautiful Jagjit Singh songs, which my computer played while I wrote this post. Songs speak a language which I do not always understand, but I felt they wanted to be a part of this post too.


  1. my heart feels ... i can't describe it!
    So full of emotions I have trouble understanding what exactly it is that I feel!

    i'm just gonna go and cry now. mebbe that'll help.

  2. FR,
    will i ever stop saying "wow!" at ur blogs,** wonder ** wonder**

    that song from "saath saath" (paya mujhse kiya..) is jus too good though the picturization wasnt all that good.

    somehow am reminded of this song "Choti si kahani se, barishon ke paani se saari vaaden bhar gayee" from "Izaajat"

  3. lovely pick of songs FR, and btw, happy b'day to ur blog - hope i also survive for that kind of time, and put down quality stuff like u!