Nobody in vicinity

I felt you close, oh so close,
That I cannot still believe you chose,
To walk away from it all,
Leaving me to break apart and fall.

In the moment that you were,
Within the fringes of my heart's desire,
I can still feel it linger inside,
Ashes of burnt dreams I cannot hide.

When your voice stood next to mine,
In still nights, in days benign,
Your scent fills the air around,
Whenever I remember that enchanted sound.

Then you walked a few paces away,
Answered my plea with a sonorous nay,
I had hoped you would hold your stand,
Till I could follow your steps on sand.

Ascribing me of a frigid stance,
Indifferent to every clumsy advance,
You went away, melting all my dismal nice,
Me inept to find what seemed like ice.

Beyond and away, and further more,
If you ever return to the times of yore,
You will find a ghost remained,
Frozen, mad, yet forever restrained.

I feel so idiotic. It's as if I am lying on a busy pavement letting the whole world walk over me, and I am not getting up. Why? Do not ask me that, for I cannot answer. I've been tense the past few days. Big deadline approaching sometime next month. I hope I can meet it.

It is not the deadline, however, which is driving me nuts. I am quite angry with myself for not letting my writing stay honest to what I've been feeling. The moment I start thinking about how whatever I write will affect others (well I hope it does affect somebody at least), there goes honesty out of the window! I almost shelved the above poem. But then I realized I would've buried some part of my heart if I had done that... so I let it be.

Life's being quite kind at present. Listening to Doob Jaana Re from Main, Meri Patni Aur Woh, eating an egg roll, and pondering the Ozu Yasujiro film I just saw, with a friend I met after a few months. I had my Spanish exam today. It went off quite well, though I had a tough time on Sunday trying to study for it. I am amazed at the discipline I could muster to sit at a table and actually study. I haven't done it in ages. I guess the fear of flunking an exam can still make me do a few good things!

Aaj maine dil se, badalon se mil ke,
Sapno ki baarish se kaliyan sajake,
Mehki umango se khusboo churake,
Halki si boondon main,
Lehron ki goonjon main,
Gum ho jaana re.

Inspite of all this there is something wrong at Pooh corner. It's something that an animal of very small brain like Pooh calls "Crustimoney Proseedcake." It's like I have a whole world's talk to talk about but only there is nobody to talk to. But then I met Eeyore and he said, "One can't complain. I have my friends. Someone spoke to me only yesterday." So there. I am not quite alone here. And yet...

Doob jaana re, Mujh ko doob jaana re,
Tere paas aana re, Mujh ko doob jaana re.