Sunday, October 28, 2007

Just once

The world looks beautiful in hallucinations.

The wall comes alive with molten monsters from my technicolor nightmares. The generally don't do much. Because they don't get the chance. Before they can budge, the world explodes in a cacophony of sounds that peel off layers of my flesh in slow, sustained torture.

I was 23 last year. As lost as my mustard corduroys and black checked cotton shirt. All I wanted to do was live the fast life. She hated my dressing sense and loved my money. She also loved all my friends, but that is not relevant here.

Sounds like a B-grade movie doesn't it? Believe me it sank faster than any movie at the box office. If my doing an item number would have saved the movie, I'd have gladly done it. But life does not allow re-runs.

I sniffed my first Cocaine in the green room of a theatre studio. I was nervous as hell, going out on the stage for the first time. Innocuous white powder. Don't get me wrong. I knew perfectly that drug abuse could kill me. I had no intention of becoming an addict. I was merely nervous. Somebody suggested the euphoria will wipe out all signs of nervousness. Besides, I had always been curious.

I was so scared of needles that I never injected anything into me. Not LSD. Not Ecstasy. Tablets or vials were too easily available. I lost her among all this. Not that I felt the loss. All I could feel was the peace that enveloped my world. No sounds. No smells. No lights.

Yesterday, I turned 24. They found me lying in a storm water drain. Now, I am lying in a sterile, white, hospital bed staring at the intravenous drip feeding my body. My body. I do not have any right to this body anymore. So it refuses to listen to me and erupts with pain of its own whim and fancy. I cannot bear to see the looks of dejection and hopelessness on the face of my parents. I cannot stand the sunlight streaming through the windows.

True. The world looks more beautiful in hallucinations.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to anyone, any place or anything is purely coincidental and not intended.

9 comments:

  1. @Sue: Eh what? It's a story! Almost all of it... almost :)

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  2. Ok... Perhaps you should mention that?

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  3. Just a tag saying "fiction" would have done, but yeah, this is easier on the systems.

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  4. @Sue: Yeah, but I don't have tags enabled. This is just as effective and suits lazy me better. :) Didn't think anyone would read this though.

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  5. Oh yeah..people do stumble upon your blog and Read!

    Hope it is everyone's fiction and no one's reality.

    Best,

    -Sparsh

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  6. @Sparsh: Hi. The reading of the blog is appreciated. I would like to believe that this was everybody's fiction, but unfortunately that cannot be true. Even this has elements of non-fiction in it...

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  7. The world does look more beautiful in hallucinations...even to the non addicts.

    Nice piece of writing. Sad, but nice. :)

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