I Hold You Close

Oh my! The last day of the year. A year of emptiness for the blog - not a single post made it through. Let us see if we can fix that by rustling up some verbal potpourri.

There. In the distance.

The far past, the recently concluded.

The unborn steps of the next moment.

In what may never come again, or

may never come at all.

Amidst all that distance, I hold you close.

Here. In the blink of an eye.

The right now of your kiss, between

the shiver of my skin to your fleeting touch that follows.

In what will ceaselessly urgent, or

of languorous calm born.

Amidst all that is this moment, I hold you close.

Where. In the miasma astray thoughts.

The loss of love and the beloved,

and the families of despair they hold dear.

In what cannot be ever found, or

that which is never meant to be.

Amidst all that is forgotten, I hold you close.

Happy New Year, dear reader and everyone out there.

Let there be words, for years to come.

Morning Run

I went for a run again today morning.

My feet beat on the asphalt

in tandem

birds chirped, 

the morning crept in,

without care or nary a halt.

I was sweaty after the run

and breathless

The air felt cool

and breathed of hope

on rays of the birthing sun.

It was not the same though

The run from a day before

was headier

It took me somewhere,

where I am now forbidden to go. 

Run as I may, I cannot outpace

my splintered mind

that wants to find

a rainbow

among stars burning in space.

I went again for a run today morning.

Someone came back,

Who, I am yet to find.

Kalle Kalle

I am just another
of your many women,
Another bundle of letters,
a post for your blog,
A deadend,
a spanner in your cog.

Lut gaya
    karaar tu,
Haan chhal gaya
    is baar tu.
Baajo tere
    ha jee vi lu,
Jindadi da main
    par kya karu?

Just a connection
a break from reality,
I cannot be just this.
I need to be more,
to be everything.
Not a wave, crashing on your shore.

So this is goodbye,
Let me go please.
I don't want to be hurt.
You don't want me
hurt, you will find
others, you will see.


---

i stand, still,
and watch you go.

Kalle Kalle.

so many words,
yes, asyousay, just words.
my words, your words.
my worlds, your worlds.

vanish.

Everything you said is true
you deserve more.

Ye hanjuan di dhaar
ajj chale chale.

what broke? dare I say
what, I don't.
why should I do this
(to myself) I won't.

the words, the unnamed worlds
will stop.

Gehraiyaan

Tera mera, dono ka dil besabar
Besabar, besabar,
Sham-o-seher dono ka dil bekhabar.
Bekhabar, bekhabar,
Yun kashtiyaan hamaari, yun takra gaayin.
Lehar, lehar,
dono ka dil besafar.
Besafar, besafar,
Haan doobey, haan doobey
Ik dooje mein yahan...

Besabri me doob gaye
saansen nilaam ho gayi.
Manzilen tum me dhundla gayin
bina chale hi shaam ho gayi.
Hum ko tum khaas lagi bohot
pyaas fir kyun aam ho gayi.
Kashtiyon ko to toofan ne behkaya
hamari hidayat badnaam ho gayi.

Ya to barbaad kar do,
ya phir aabaad kar do.
Woh galat tha, ye sahi hai
Jhut ye aaj keh do...

Keh to main dun tumhe
kehne me na koi harz hai.
Par barbaad hoke bhi
kahan ilaaj hoga uska
Jism me chupa jo marz hai.

Itna bhi dur mat jaao, ke paas aana mushkil ho
Itna bhi paas mat aao, ke door jaana mushkil ho
Jaane bhi do, kaha maano mera
Aisa laga badan chuke tera, koi chingaari chuli...

Dimaag keh raha hai kaam par dhyaan do
Baki jism kisi aur raah chal raha.
Barbaad kar jayegi ye kheencha-tani hamen
Fir bhi dil teri shayari pe machal raha.
Bina dekhe, sune ye haal hai
(chu liya to jal jal marenge dono)
Tu abhi maar de, agar na ye kal raha.

The lyrics for the songs Aabaad, Barbaad (from the film Ludo), Doobey (from the film Gehraiyaan) and Bhul Gaya Sab Kuch (from the film Julie) are creations of their respective lyricists. The songs are inspirations and counters to my pedestrian utterances.

Am I In Love?

How will I know?

Does your skin burn 

                when you think of her?

Does your heart burn

                when someone else thinks of her?

Can you let it burn, and yet

                not want her singed by your flames?

 

 

How can I be sure? 

Try not breathing,

                then try not thinking about her

Which is harder,

                 and which is easier?

Look at the relentless march of time,

                and then watch it freeze in her footsteps.

 

 

Will it hurt?

As surely as you will bleed,

             if you cut yourself open

Pain as crystal as diamond

            as ancient as arctic ice

Open yourself to this pain

            and you will live beyond your age.

 

 

Will I survive?

You will wither away 

            like the sakura in winter.

But for those few moments of spring

           you will bloom like never before.

You will give life 

            in the only way a man can.

Once Upon a Time

Today I rang up some old memories,

Flames and words, kindled from dead ashes,

Resurrected some dead friends,

And gave them, a bear hug.

 

What a strange feeling,

Meeting strange old acquaintances anew,

Feeling a little hope, a little trepidation,

As a cold mug of coffee sighs of silence, on my desk.

Her, lying in my arms, in an unknown hotel bed,

Wandering down a dark alley with salvation,

A blue strappy dress over a stolen dinner,

Pinpricks of light, in a muddled past.

Today, when meeting, in person, in life,

Is a thing of unreal memory,

It is fun to reminisce with them, and ask,

Do you remember, when we burned down together?